Welcome to the New Era of Responsibility?
1. economic crisis
2. spending of over $200 million dollars on Obama inauguration merchandise crisis
Yes, we can do this, fellow Americans of poor taste and judgment! Instead of asking American innovators to move us briskly towards energy independence, embrace who we are as a people with this convenient truth!
Yes, the erstwhile Chia pet in the likeness of our new president is now available for preorder from chiaobama.com
So here’s my proposal. I’m not saying it’s any good, but at least everyone will understand fully that their money is going towards something totally useless, possibly offensive, and ultimately, satisfy and curb the American public’s enthusiasm for heinous presidential bricabrac :
Take small portion of proposed stimulus package money to put the innovative Johnson Enterprises that is currently taking pre-orders for this tribute to our nation’s 44th president.- under contract to the Federal government.
Create new jobs, producing and distributing one limited edition Chia Obama for every family in America. Require each American household to purchase said Chia Obama for $25. We can call this governmental intervention, something like the Department of Absurd Homeland Merchandise.
All right, I hear you. It doesn’t ‘sound’ like the free market economy as it is understood, to force everyone to buy leafy green Obama head. Let’s call it something else. How about every American family be required to send $25 to US Government. Clearly not a new concept. Credit cards happily accepted. In unprecedented move, US Government bestows thank you gift of Chia Obama with replacement seed pack to every American family.
Additional peace of mind can be taken by all households that plant and nurture the Chia Obama to mature green oxygen producing organism, thus reducing their family’s personal carbon footprint. Think of this investment as a modern day war bond, where out of sense of duty, we can “do our part.”
Embrace our common heritage as consumers of the totally useless, frivolous and inane. Then move on.
If my math is right – which it may not be, because I used to sit in the back of Algebra wondering why I needed to know how to multiply accurately if we have calculators devised and manufactured somewhere in Asia. – this would result in approximately $2,850,000,000 in gross revenues. (yes, that’s almost $3 billion. you know billion – that zero laden number that’s been declared by savvy financialistas everywhere this season as the new million). Misguided logic seems to have led many to believe that adding several zeros means adding nothing.
Boys and girls, as this guy would tell us if he were around, free press does not equal free money printing press.
In today’s language of meaningless zeros, he would say:
A billion saved, is a billion earned.
I loved loved loved this post. Wait until you see mine on Thursday. I blasted the presidents for the millions on inaugurations. I’m going to edit my post to link to yours for our solution!
No. That cannot be. I can imagine that someone sat up and said, “hey, you know what would be great? Obama chia pets. No really, I’m serious!! We could market ‘em with an eco-friendly slant! Hey, guys, I can’t believe you’re not with me on this! It’s a great idea!” But I cannot believe we as consumers in the midst of a recession are buying into it.
Ah, where’d you say they’re selling those again?
Are they really selling these things? They look hideous to say the least! LOL…
Clever post Margo… I love the sarcastic twist (assuming you were being sarcastic?)
What next, I say…
Great. Now I want an Obama Chia pet.
Very, very funny post!
Obama Chia Pets. I have to go lie down now.