"Funnest " Time Ever
As residents of Cou de Cote Rouge, South Carolina, my family and I have had the pleasure of visiting one of Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampedes on several occasions. “The Dixie,” as we refer to this local treasure at our house, bills itself as “The Most Fun Place to Eat in Myrtle Beach.” Obviously, no extra endorsement is required, but I humbly throw my thoughts your way to enlighten on what an outstanding businesswoman – as my friend, Vic, of What Were You Thinking? – astutely pointed out in her comment to yesterday’s post) Dolly is.
Every woman I know probably flinched a little when she said of Jessica Simpson: “She’s going to have to to get skinny just to get PEOPLE to shut the hell up.” Regrettable, yes. But she was ungraciously made to babble by CNN’s favorite walking billboard for mandatory retirement who will remain nameless today.
The Dixie Stampede is the perfect entertainment choice for anyone on God’s green earth who would choose to vacation in the Myrtle Beach area, especially children, and anyone with attention deficits – or if you like horses, are a Civil War buff with a sense of humor, from the North or South, like friendly competion, collecting junk, or just sarcastic as hell with a taste for high camp or lite potty humor.
All in good fun, through seating location, Yankee tourists are pitted against Rebels from all spots beneath the Mason Dixon line. If the crowd favors one side, as is often the case, sometimes a few audience members are required to carpetbag, but the personnel balances things the best they can by seating those from West of the Mississippi and those who just don’t give a darn at their discretion. Many Canadians fall into this latter category.
One suggestion I would make is that if your family is of mixed geographical allegiance plan your battles ahead of time. If your little yanks are coming to visit grandpa who has been known to fly the Confederate flag anytime in recent history, do everyone a favor and don’t mess with him. Sit on the Southern side or don’t go at all. In the rare instance when this is not possible, be sure to take full advantage of the preshow libations; they are pricey, but come in exquisite and collectible plastic boots. When I prominently displayed our impressive set in the china cabinet alongside the Wedgewood and Waterford, it took a year for anyone to notice. From a distance, in the correct lighting, the high quality plastic looks like crystal.
Besides horses, the cast of livestock includes: baby pigs, chickens, camel, buffalo, steer and ostriches. I’m not kidding about any of them. One time the buffalo even jumped through a hoop of fire. A cast of humans ride the horses as horse riders. They compete for either the North or the South, but they switch sides night to night, so no one in the show projects anything other than good fun. If you are concerned that the Civil War II is about to break out right here in Myrtle Beach, don’t, because the master of ceremonies will remind you constantly about how great tomorrow’s weather is going to be and all the good fun everyone is having.
The best part of the whole extravaganza is the food. You are forced to eat it with your hands, which is how soldiers had to eat during the real Civil War. You feel part of something bigger than yourself, and I suspect Dolly knows it would only take one jerk to ruin everyone’s good fun by stabbing his Aunt Betty with a fork. Except for using the handywipe your yankee or rebel soldier/waiter will distribute towards the end, there is no cleaning up after yourself. I like this part even better than my plastic boot collection.
Dolly is present during all shows. Not literally, but in all forms of media. My sarcastic family’s favorite part of the show is at the end when a giant screen lowers in front of the mansion which is supposedly just like Dolly’s childhood home. Her head fills up the whole screen during her rendition of America the Beautiful. Many will tear up during this sentimental moment, either from bittersweet emotion or repressed hilarity. Trust me: Even southern grandpa will finally be able to put the War of Northern Aggression behind him.
It’s clear when you’re supposed to leave because the soldier/waiters will herd you out like cattle where you will wend your way past a triple life size full length portrait of Dolly and then through a gift shop. By the time you get to the parking lot no one will even remember who won, because the master of ceremonies did such a fine job telling you how much fun has been had.
My only regret is that my children were never among the selected younguns’ who were invited to participate in the chicken chasing contest. But I suspect Princess Sparkle probably first thought about becoming a vegetarian as she chomped on a chicken leg while watching little sunburnt tourists maul the doomed chickens all in good fun. But the activity would have made a good story.
Dolly is an upstanding capitalist who is simultaneously moral and shrewd. She gives the people what they want. And whether you know it consciously at first or not, at “The Dixie,” everyone will have fun.
Dolly should have you on her payroll. I would say my philosophy of spending entertainment dollars has precluded anything associated with Dolly, even tho I like (some of) her music. Until now. This sounds like good learning fun.
Dolly should have you on her payroll. I would say my philosophy of spending entertainment dollars has precluded anything associated with Dolly, even tho I like (some of) her music. Until now. This sounds like good learning fun.
Dolly should have you on her payroll. I would say my philosophy of spending entertainment dollars has precluded anything associated with Dolly, even tho I like (some of) her music. Until now. This sounds like good learning fun.
Sounds like something I’d dig!
Sounds like something I’d dig!
Sounds like something I’d dig!
Thanks for the memories! My souvenir boot is now the dog food scoop. And you know the reason you have to eat with your hands is so the cute soldier/servers don’t have to wash silverware later.
Thanks for the memories! My souvenir boot is now the dog food scoop. And you know the reason you have to eat with your hands is so the cute soldier/servers don’t have to wash silverware later.
Thanks for the memories! My souvenir boot is now the dog food scoop. And you know the reason you have to eat with your hands is so the cute soldier/servers don’t have to wash silverware later.
I love anything to do with Dolly!
btw, You’ve been tagged. Check out my blog for more info!
I love anything to do with Dolly!
btw, You’ve been tagged. Check out my blog for more info!
I love anything to do with Dolly!
btw, You’ve been tagged. Check out my blog for more info!
Just found your blog and enjoyed your post about the Dixie Stampede. Nice to find another SC blogger as well.
Just found your blog and enjoyed your post about the Dixie Stampede. Nice to find another SC blogger as well.
Just found your blog and enjoyed your post about the Dixie Stampede. Nice to find another SC blogger as well.
Go Dolly, Until I got all obsessed with thinking about her this past weekend, I didn’t realize how big of a fan I am! Phd, if she put me on her payroll – for a price I’d become an even bigger one. I just listened to Jolene on my iPod. I love that song.
Go Dolly, Until I got all obsessed with thinking about her this past weekend, I didn’t realize how big of a fan I am! Phd, if she put me on her payroll – for a price I’d become an even bigger one. I just listened to Jolene on my iPod. I love that song.
Go Dolly, Until I got all obsessed with thinking about her this past weekend, I didn’t realize how big of a fan I am! Phd, if she put me on her payroll – for a price I’d become an even bigger one. I just listened to Jolene on my iPod. I love that song.