Make that "Two Less" for Now
The commercials for Merck’s Gardisil vaccine singlehandedly convinced both my 12 and 16 year old daughters, that I am among the worst mothers in existence. That I wasn’t on the phone that minute, lining up their appointments to get this vital vaccine must have meant I was a lazy, hateful mother that brought them into the world just to watch them die. Seriously, moments before they first saw this commercial, I was, in their eyes, flawless.
In the ad, remarkably “normal,” looking teenage girls, with great passion state they want to be “One Less!” woman to get cervical cancer. Like their suffragette and ERA marching ancestors they hold up signs bearing the “One Less” battle cry giving the whole thing an objectionable public service announcement/propaganda aura.
I roughly translate this two word phrase, “One Less,” to say, “Yeah, girls! We don’t want your cooties or your cancer! I want to play soccer, ride a skateboard, but possibly, mom, have sex with more than one partner in the not-so-distant future. Give us this vaccine now! Get your head out of the sand before it’s too late and we die! You don’t want boy cooties to kill me! “
The pediatrician at my daughter’s yearly check ups this past fall, seemed equally as enthused about wasting no time commencing vaccination on the entire nine -26 year old female population.
“Not this time, thank you,” I said, as if I were passing on today’s selection of cantelopes which clearly were squishy.
“You’ve got good insurance. It can’t hurt!” he urged a little too cheerfully for me to take him seriously.
“Thanks a lot, doc boy. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the big homecoming game over at the high school?” I said.
Okay, I didn’t really say this. I was powerful in my silence. My daughters looked at me as if I had bitten head off of the family parakeet.
Then little man in a last ditch effort to protect me from my Mother Dearest inclinations said something that almost made me let him start the shoot ‘em up series that very day:
“They say they won’t have to get yearly pap smears anymore.”
I won’t say his statement was a lie. I have no doubt he heard it somewhere. Perhaps on the playground.
Since it’s Cervical Health Awareness Month, a few stories on the controversy surrounding the Gardisil vaccination have been making the rounds. The vaccine is currently given in three doses to young women ages nine to 26 to help prevent cervical, vaginal, and other cancers attributed to HPV. There’s a tear jerker of a commercial for Gardasil running now, that features mothers saying they want their daughters to be, “One Less.” This is not helping my situation. I can’t find it on YouTube, but I swear I think it currently runs every 11 minutes on most channels.
These are my questions:
1. Is there any research that indicates the vaccine will protect women who are vaccinated between the ages of 9 -26 when they reach their 40s, the decade where women are most apt to develop cervical cancer?
2. Is anything about the illnesses being blamed on the vaccine, statistically or anecdotally significant when compared with the general population? Is there any kind of follow up with patients to ensure concerns are accurately reported?
3. Who are you and why should I trust you? Are you “They?”
Recommended Reading (These are the best sources I found. Just be sure to read any news articles in their entirety to wade through any schmaltz)
Empowerher: Women’s Health Online
Center for Disease Control and Prevention: Report of Health Concerns Following HPV Vaccination
Center for Disease Control and Prevention: FAQ regarding HPV and Cervical Cancer
Quad City Times, January 15, 2009
US News & World Report/Blog: 7 Facts You Need to Know about HPV and Gardasil
Judicial Watch
National Vaccine Information Center
My daughter’s pediatrician (she’s 14) says she has concerns about some of the things she’s heard with this vaccine, but she wasn’t very specific. Just the opposite of your doctor, she recommended waiting until they have a better idea what they’re doing.
It’s a little scary.
Just for the record, my daughter’s pediatrician is not actually fourteen. I’m pretty sure it would be illegal to practice medicine at that age. I’m going to go lie down now.
Margo, good on you for standing with your convictions.
I have a nearly 16 yo daughter, and I have refused to allow her this vaccination. I loved it when you said “who are they anyway? I always say that! Who are the THEY, that we should all bow down and comply with what they say??!
I believe I have heard some scary side-effects of this vaccine. I can’t remember clearly, so I won’t shoot off half-cocked now. But, it is a new vaccination, and I am not allowing my daughter to be anyone’s guinea pig.
Also, I have taught my daughter the value of marriage, God’s way. And she wants to wait for her husband, to begin a sex*ual lifestle. The best guard against the threat of cancer etc in the female regions, is to refrain from the world’s standards of “try before your buy” mentality. The chances of cancer and disease is greatly diminished for these women.
Promiscurity is a killer, no doubt at all. This needle is a feeble attempt to ensure damage control.
Love your style!!!
ps. In Australia, this is being offered to free to girls at school (the high school ones only, I think).
I’ll stick with the tetnus shots, lol.
It’s my understanding, if I remember right, is that 90-something percent of all cervical cancers are rooted in the human pap. virus (HPV). So vaccinating against *should* greatly diminish the risk of cerv. cancer. I’m planning to vaccinate my girls, but a few years post the recommended age. Waiting til marriage is no guarantee against exposure, I’m sorry to say.
HPV is an std. If you know your child’s future spouse well enough, you could identify if this was an issue. It would greatly eliminate the risk.
I wonder if we can vaccinate against being hit by a bus? lol…
There are no guarantees in life, except the Word of God.
The side effects are not worth it, in my opinion. But, I certainly understand not everyone shares my views, so I am not meaning to offend
This is when I get all L.Ron Hubbard about stuff. You know, like doctors? Who needs them?
You kick some booty girl!
Just ask them, “If everyone else’s vagina jumped off a cliff, would YOURS?” That’ll hush ‘em up…
I got the shot when I was 26, practically hustled into it by my doctor, who acted like it was life and death. Bah.
Vic.. you crack me up.I was kind of hoping you went to that original Dr. McDreamy, Dr. Doogie Howser. I loved that theme song and can’t get it out of my head now. Isn’t amazing how different docs can be on these things? I think this one may come down to you’re in CA and I’m in SC, where there is still the occasional TB outbreak.
Amanda, who are they? I always have wanted to know that.I was proud of myself for standing up for our girl “rites”. I found the whole thing disturbing, and was just glad I knew the little amount I did.Thanks!
Phd yogurt friend, it’s definitely one of those issues that has various POVs taking ownership over it.. I just can’t stand how difficult it is to get past all the spin, when it comes to my own precious charges and get a few unbiased,factual answers. As long as there aren’t any, we’ll wait.
SWC, where have you been? I hope doing something fabulous. I know good doctors are out there, but many more bad ones. For now, shorty treats them all the same and kicks booty.
Sassafras, I love you because you say the things I can’t so well and precisely, and LMAO.