The picture on the wall depicted idyllic Caribbean beauty with turquoise water, a sandy beach, and a beach shack with a perfect measure of shabbiness. I considered taking it down, right then and there. But I reminded myself that I was wearing a gown made from paper towels, and the picture wasn’t mine to take down. Undoubtedly, doing something as strange as removing artwork from the OB/GYN’s wall would expose me as a middle aged nut job.
I had put my paper gown on immediately, because I have a fear of getting caught mid-strip, or with my clothes not folded neatly with hints of me spilling everywhere. So for 24 minutes I was faced with a choice of contemplating either the shiny set of stirrups or this print.
I’m pretty convinced they teach a class in medical school called, “The Secret Art and Practice of Being Late.”
This is the content of the class:
Even if not busy, doctors are to go to their offices and shut the door and read old People magazines between appointments. In 2006, this was amended to allow doctors additional 
choice of playing Nintendo DS Brain Age 2. If doctor must be seen, he or she is to either talk on the phone or read whatever chart is within reach…. Ah, heck, go ahead and do whatever you want. To avoid loss of all med cred, be sure to go to all passive extremes necessary to let everyone know you are extremely busy.
What was the person who chose this artwork for an OB/GYN office thinking, I wondered. Was it innocent? Perhaps this person thought this tableau would calm patients and distract them from their yearly examination.
Or maybe he or she was saying, “You are about to experience cold metal in your most private of places. This picture, here – that’s where Oprah goes on vacation.” No one can argue with the fact that what’s depicted in this picture is, in fact, the anti-cold metal. Or that cold metal is the anti-perfect vacation spot.
I was just the teeniest bit depressed after that.
So after giving this way too much thought, I still have no conclusion as to what kind of person would make such a dumb choice for artwork that will probably be studied for more hours, by more women than the Mona Lisa – artwork that will certainly bring less joy, and many more last minute prozac prescriptions. I have concluded that someone (not me) needs to start a committee to advocate, “Blank Walls or Better Artwork in Doctor’s Offices.”
Glad that’s over for another year. You don’t think I need to find a new doctor now, do you?
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{ 10 comments }
My ob/gyn has said photo on the ceiling so when you lie down you see the “escape” photo. But this is Montana so it is a ski scene. Hmmm, just what you need; thoughts of cold places….
With that paper gown, I think you were worrying about the wrong kind of exposure.
I guess my ob-gyn must have been a bit pricier than yours. He had Monet prints on all of his walls.
But then he did make me wait more than 3 hours (a post hysterectomy appointment) before his staff finally said he wasn’t going to make his appointments that day due to several emergencies. It was the first appointment after surgery. Words can’t explain how uncomfortable I was. Thank goodness I hadn’t yet been ushered into an exam room and given the paper towel gown yet.
@pricilla, your goat ob/gyn sounds as if he/she at least has the right idea putting the art on the ceiling.
@humorsmith, exposure should be my middle name. When I used to imagine myself wearing a white gown and going to the ball, this isn’t what I meant.
@Lola, what’s with the Monets all over doctor’s office walls? Whenever I see a real Monet, I think “doctor’s office”. I don’t understand for the life of me, the big hurry to get anyone into the paper gown too early.
I hate how they give you the little paper tie that I can never figure out so I cinch it up to keep the edges together, and then I look like a japanese lantern. And the artwork in my doctor’s office is all of women gazing off thoughtfully into the distance. Probably looking for their clothes.
Vic, thanks for my first laugh of the day
Obviously my GP (should I switch to a GYN??) believes education is more important than art appreciation……I get to stare at posters informing me that smoking kills, diabetics need to take off their socks (as well as their clothes), pregnant women should get plenty of calcium, and small children must never be left alone in the Chill Room. I fill the 25-45 minute wait scribbling in my notebook so I can study up for the next visit—just in case there’s more than one kind of exam in the exam room.
Dust Bunny, How about office signage that harps on turning off the cell phones,giving 48 hours notice for prescription refills and appointment cancellation policies that use the same font as Most Wanted signs in the old west?
Signs, signs, signs….compliance through intimidation?
If they only knew…..I also keep occupied looking in all the cupboards and trying out the blood pressure thingy. Someday I’ll figure out how to log onto the computer and have some real fun.
dust bunny, I’m always too afraid of getting caught. It’s kind of like my concern with being caught mid-strip. I bet there’s some good stuff in those cabinets… I love supplies – both medical and office
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