Nothing to See Here: The Milkshake Incident

The first day I made it through the drive thru: Princess Sparkle with her large vanilla milkshake and me with a large Diet Coke. The second day of driving her home from standardized testing was the problem. I, in life coach language, “chose to embrace the shake.” A chocolate one. The problem was I didn’t, really- I fully believed at the time that the milkshake chose me.

The following is more or less the version of The Milkshake Incident that I told Tonya, my life coach:

The milkshake flung itself into my hands and made it’s way up through the straw, then slipped down my gullet. I felt guilty before, during and after. I consumed it while driving in heavy traffic. My only goal in life at that moment was to empty the cup. I succeeded! Like a Real Honest to God starving person, I downed it like an Olympic athlete.

The previous hours were spent perched happily on a pedicure throne. My toes looked fabulous. Perhaps in some skewed manner of thinking, I thought pretty toes made embracing a milkshake okay.

My massive failure, how I should have done this, and shouldn’t have done that, were recounted in graphic detail. I was a victim, doomed from the very beginning because of the unique nature and nurture that brought me to this place. Thoughts of everything else I had done “wrong” joined in. I’d been sick, hadn’t eaten enough lunch and was hungry. The kids had been sick. Blah, blah, blah.

As I spun my tale of woe, I featured myself as a kind of suburban warrior princess who suffered on behalf of everyone else. When I referred to “falling off track,” I couldn’t help but notice that Tonya’s silence at the other end of the phone during our consultation was palpable.

She asked, as she does a lot, “How does that make you feel?”

It’s just recently that I’ve noticed a lot of what I think, makes me feel very, very bad. I am to become an observer of myself, Tonya tells me. Everything from old habits to new impulses with their resulting thoughts and feelings are to be examined from a distance. I am to say to myself, “My, my, now isn’t that interesting?” I am to treat myself as well as I treat my friends and family. What a novel concept.

Without meaning to be dramatic, I tend to give everyone and everything a huge backstory, including strangers on the street, the neighbor’s Himalayan cat who uses our yard as his personal Savannah, and yes, even milkshakes. My mind races ahead and I hate that. But life coaching doesn’t allow me to rest on my reputation as some kind of enigma. And this reputation I have as an enigma was probably all made up by me anyway.

Yes, I am to give myself goals I can do, but also some that I don’t think I can. To start, next time I embrace a milkshake, I’ll try to be the one who does the choosing.

How about you? Anything chosen you recently?

*Note to self, or anyone else who may be curious: I was diagnosed last year with adult ADD and enlisted the assistance of a life coach because I want to set goals in my life that go beyond, “I want to make the bed everyday.” Tonya has a fabulous blog, Just B Living . Her link can also be found in my sidebar.

Photo from iStockphoto

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