If I could write a country song and sing worth a damn instead of write, that is exactly what I’d do.
Something tells me I am not the only writer who has been blogging for a few months who wonders what she has gotten herself into. I am confused. I think it is something related to an identity crisis.
Only because I never fit into them, categories have always pissed me off. I am too young for this group and too old for that group. I am too fey for this group and too inconsistently funny for that one. My two amazing daughters no longer call me “mommy.” But I’m pretty sure I would never have been a “mommy blogger” anyway. I’m deep. I’m shallow.
I don’t want to do “PR,” and have no idea what “do follow” means. The word “hashtags” sounds a little wicked and I know that on Twitter people are having righteous parties using them. I don’t know if I’m invited or how to get there.
I imagine standing in the middle of a large cabin on the first day of camp. I am surrounded by people who, like me, hold their incomplete and potentially very wrong first impressions. I am not this. I am not that. Neither are they.
Fingers tapping-on-keyboard first, I am tumbling into something strangely familiar. I find myself striving to convince people – meaning others in the blogosphere – to like me, to visit me, perhaps leave a comment. For the record, I am not in the eighth grade. And at 40-something searching for validation isn’t what I’d call fun. I certainly should not fear that being myself – if I ever dared to really do it- would drive people away. Right? Is it a girl thing? A human thing?
I do know enough to understand that giving anyone the key to even a small part of my own opinion about myself is not smart. Eventually all the reasons I write would go away, and I might not even recognize they were gone. Winning friends and influencing people isn’t something I’ve ever set out to do. “Marketing” and “networking” happen, or they don’t. To me they feel like aggressive business words that should have disappeared with the 1980s along with shoulder pads and suspenders. I’m not real clear on what or if I’m marketing here anyway.
My intent with blogging is the same as it has always been with writing – to connect, giving my sister-in-law and my mother and hopefully a few other people something about which to think or laugh, or preferably both. I crave diversity in my friendships, and want to have fun.
Words have limitations. Blogging, like writing and perhaps even life itself, is capable of showing but a small part of oneself. We are imperfect wordsmiths, who desire to pass along beautiful and perfect concepts in the way that only we can. When done well, our words will convey a glimpse into our common wishes and dreams.
If the magic is just right, hopefully someone will be able to recognize the flying sparks and shrapnel.
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing
- When You Say Nothing at All by Allison Krauss
As an afterthought I am linking this post at Maternal Spark for Monday’s Muse. Heather now has forums that I’m looking forward to checking out!
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{ 36 comments }
All of this sounds so familiar — I could have written the same post essentially (only not nearly so well).
I have to stop and lecture myself periodically about not focusing too much on being what other people want (or my perception of that, at least). It’s easy to get sucked up into what feels like a popularity contest.
And that’s not me.
I, for one, feel fortunate to have found your blog. I love your blend of insight and humor and grace. Plus you have great hair.
Thanks for being in my little corner of the blog-world.
I don’t know what your blog is… BUT I LOVE IT! Don’t change a thing!
I wrote a post about wanting blogging friends long ago,I’ll give you the advice that was given to me….”Write for YOU,not for any other reason.” OK,so I don’t always follow that advice. I too want to make friends and be liked…it doesn’t always happen.I find that I need to go back to that advice every so often and remind myself why I started blogging in the first place,and that was to fuel a passion and quiet the nagging feeling when I didn’t.
I think you are doing a fabulous job! Oh, and BTW….I like you!!!Keep up what you’re doing!
Really a most excellent post. And for the record, you’re not alone in feeling these things.
Ahh I think it’s a girl thing. Or a woman thing. Or yeah I don’t know, but it is very familiar. I’m trying to write for me. That is why I started my blog, but will admit I do love love every new follower. LOL
Gosh, I feel the same way and also have formerly naturally blonde hair. [blush] I feel like I’m trying to “find my voice” (which may actually be shrill and unpleasant on the internet – me no writey good). Sometimes I feel like I’m in 8th grade too and looking for approval. Or as the actress Sally Field once said at an awards ceremony, “You like me?! You really, really like me!?” [lol] It’s so confusing, isn’t it.
I’m just glad y’all can tolerate me and my off-the-wall ways. If you met me in person, you’d see I don’t sit around talking politics. And I really don’t give a rats what someone believes, as long as they leave me alone to believe the way I want.
Anyway, for what’s it’s worth, I like you the way you are. And I think most of your followers feel the same way. Just be yourself and let the natural blonde shine through. [roflol]
Found you on Monday’s Muse. So all that “marketing” has paid off huh? lol. I think we’re all insecure bloggers just trying to find our part of the blogosphere. It’s good practice!
Mutual admiration society all around, people!
Vic, thanks! I feel the exact same way about you and your blog. xxx ooo
Sheri, Okay! As one of my first readers, that means a lot coming from you!
thinkingfyou, thanks for the advice. It’s weird though, isn’t it… how hard it is to keep writing for self first the priority – esp. when we can get sucked into the making friends/publishing draw so easily
xxx ooo
Heather, I am so glad to have met you recently and getting to know you a little. Thanks!
Sparky, shrill and unpleasant – definitely not! I find you adorable and am glad to be getting to know you too
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Amy! Marketing! Networking! Yes, firing a gun in the dark sometimes works, obviously. Thank you so much for stopping by! (after reading your post today, I want to go dancing at that bar
Thinkingfyou, I wanted to mention because it somehow seems closely related to all this – I’ve always loved the name of your blog. xxx ooo
I definitely don’t think you would fit into the “mommy blogger” group.
Oh, and I like that Alison Krause song. If I could have anyone sing to me all day, it’d probably be her. But, she’d have to work in a few Nirvana songs every now and then, just for diversity. Plus, I think I’d find that really funny.
Hey try and be a goat blogging in a human world!
Not to mention two goats blogging in a human world.
From a publicist that does not write well at all! Never did, never will. But is somehow having fun nonetheless…
She was always told she was too terse.
Awesome post. I personally like that your blog is uncategorizable. Think of it this way: it gives you the freedom to write about whatever you want to write about each time you post.
I just happened check out your blog from Priscilla’s blog. I am so glad I did, what an excellent, thought inspiring post.
Most of the time I think I write for me, I mean after all why else would I base a blog about goats, but at the same time I can’t help but feel a little disappointed when someone stops following my blog or a post doesn’t get any comments. So maybe part of me is blogging for the feedback of others too.
Interesting stuff! By the way, great blog and I love that it doesn’t fit into a particular category. I always hated labels too.
I ponder what others would enjoy reading. What you would find funny or worth commenting…
I don’t want to bore
I use my blog to say things that i can not say at work. Or, to others that I hang out with. I definitely do not type up everything.
Great post.
I just write for me. I have a terrible memory so I’m glad I have a blog that I can look back on.
I really enjoy reading your blog
Beautifully put! I love blogging because it allows me to put my best (or worst!) foot forward every day-to be myself without the tags of “mama” or “wife”, “employee” et cetera! I won’t lie and say that beaucoup comments don’t thrill the hell out of me (we theater majors love applause-lol!) but I’ve found that “meeting” kindred spirits and getting to know people that I truly enjoy has been the best part for me so far. I laughed when I read what you had to say about “1980′s” words and how they should’ve gone the way of shoulder-pads-too funny!
I can totally relate and so what if you don’t fit into any specific niche? I’m not sure I do either! I come back to read you for a reason and I also happen to like you so keep doing what you are doing!
oh and anyone with a daughter as well written and intelligent as yours HAS to be a super mommy and an all around good person
I think it’s great if you have the strength to be yourself in a world where it’s easy to be influenced by a lot of other temptations.
You’re getting great feedback, so obviously you’re on the right track. There is a lot to be said for authenticity!
Even that was so beautifully written!
(sigh) Yep, I’m too old to be young, and too young to be old. My children are just about grown–ready to fly any day now.
The past four years have been a mixed bag for me–trying to find who I am in this brave new world.
Ah, you are so eloquent. And you are not alone.
LOVE IT! Got lot out of this post today–I think I’m with you in front of the cabin, alone. Good writing today!!
Thanks so much for sharing your link. You know, some other bloggers and I were having a chat about all the ‘influencing,’ giveaways, sponsors and such and most of us know deep down that we’d all keep blogging if that stuff went ‘poof’ and was never to be seen again. It’s so important to do this for you..it’s why people appreciate it. And look at all the comments here! People DO appreciate what you’ve got going on. I do hope you’ll join the forums..there’s a lovely group forming and I can’t wait for the conversations to begin!
TIMjenks, The album she did with Robert Plant is one of my favorites. If Kurt were still around, I guess anything could have happened.
pricilla, just remember the publicist taught you everything you know about human writing! And you do a great job
Shawn, good point… and I like that freedom. I think I get kind of cagey when I start thinking I can’t … but that just giving too much power to my thoughts.
Jennifer, welcome! it’s a balance. I think all of us like being read or we wouldn’t have blogs. Writing to be read is fine, I think we just always have to remember to write for ourselves first. Thanks!
Hit40, I love blogs like your where you aren’t totally blogging as something claiming to be your full self. I think it gives a freedom to a very lively voice that we often keep hidden. And that kind of voice loves to be heard – and to entertain.
WW, it will be nice to have our blogs to look back on, and maybe show our grandkids – who will probably be writing with their minds by then. Thanks!
Shangrila, I love blogging for that reason too. I should just embrace whatever it is I wake up with wanting to write. Thank you so much for stopping by!
banteringblonde, There is so much pressure (real or imagined) to find a “niche”. Never liked them, probably never will. Thanks so much!
Wendy,I’ll take strength and authenticity any day over “successful and influential.” Thanks
Betsy, thank you! And I’m so glad you stopped by!
Beth, you say that very well. Thanks for your words and visit
Lin, you and me. Bunkmates
Heather, I love your website and am looking forward to participating in your forums!
hashtags sounds like a breakfast food! i’ll have that with a cup of coffee please!
Marie, HA! you nailed it
I loved this post (visiting from Muse Swings)! I can really relate to the unwillingness to put yourself into a particular category. Is there such a thing as the inconsistently-funny-blogger-who-usually-doesn’t post-about-her-kids-but-would-rather-blog-about-art and-culture-when-she’s-not-too-tired-but-usually-just ends-up-being-ridiculous category? If not, I’ll be the founding member.
Ohhh I remember when I was a newbie blogger not so long ago….I spent hours surfing blogs and leaving comments with the hopes that SOMEONE…ANYONE would stop by MY blog and care about what I wrote…and then come back again and again.
Sometimes I get caught up in the giveaways and awards and followers and I feel like my writing suffers accordingly. So I take a step back…revisit the old days (archive) and take things back a notch.
I think you fit into the “noncomformist blogger” category. You like to blog, but you don’t limit yourself to a specific name or category. Except that’s exactly what I just did…only I made that name up myself. See how I keep you on your toes like that?? Where do I come up with this stuff? Am I talking to myself?
Freelance thinker, razorsharp wordsmith and funny as all get out….
BlickyKitty, Co-founding members! There’s got to be a good acronym in your suggestion somewhere. Thanks for visiting!
MamaKat, Once a non-conformist, always one, I guess. How about “non-conformist” could be the general category, with Blickykitty’s suggestion as founding subset? I’m picturing a word map… thanks for keeping me on my toes!
Dawn, freelance thinker – what a great idea for a job title! I could do that. xxx ooo
I’m so with you. I hate it when I have to click a category in which me or my blog falls. I’m not a mommy blogger, unless being a dog mommy blogger counts. Then again, I’m not really a pet blogger either because I talk about other things. Is there an aunty blogger category? I haven’t seen one yet. I try to be funny, but I’ll probably never be funny enough to join the Humor Bloggers Network or whatever it’s called. Of course, I’m just happy if I’m not as boring as dried toast. I don’t spend all day on Twitter. Even when I’m on, I don’t know what to say, and I’ve never added the first hashtag. And networking? Heck, if I was good at that, I would probably have a real job by now.
Boy, you really touched a cord with this one. I think we all experience what you were able to put into words.
Nice job!
This is killer, Margo. Seriously. I think you captured what a lot of us feel a lot of the time… if I could only count how many times I’ve stopped and thought to myself, “WHY am I doing this? And if I don’t know, shouldn’t I stop?”
But I won’t. I can’t. I don’t know why it’s so important, but it is. It’s become a part of me, slowly and surely, that I would feel a bit empty without, for whatever that’s worth.
I love that song. I used to sing it to my son when he was first born.
I know how you feel. I started out wanting to share.. make my friends & family laugh.. and then it all seemed too personal to put out there for anyone.
I am still waiting to feel comfortable really. =]
Staci, In case you get this, I’m so sorry about your mom. Please email me if you need anything
lilaphase, thanks! I’m curious how you feel now you’ve left entrecard. that seems like it would be nice time to have back
Lilu, it’s nicer than I can say how nice it is to know I’m not alone. I know I’m not going to stop but sometimes I’m afraid I’m turning into somebody’s eccentric aunt. xxx ooo
Paula, you are too funny! it’s a process, I think. We all know when something feels like bs, but so what, and who is to say? At the very least it’s the part of us we’ve chosen to show on that day. xxx ooo
Wow. I think I could have written this post myself (except not as beautifully!). I started blogging as a way to mark time of my boys growing up. Now I feel like I’m trying to please others.
Your post is perfect. Thank you!
Holy cr*p, another great post! My first instinct upon encountering writers like you is to pack up my keyboard and look for a new means of expression. I WILL stifle that urge! But I digress… wonderful read.
.-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The beauty of gray =-.
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