The World is a Random Salad

Late randomness is better than none. Even when it’s not late in the day, but rather a day late. Can I hear an Amen from another county? Who said Tuesday was the only day it was allowed? It’s not like the first letter in Tuesday is an “R.” Randomness can only be at it’s best when it’s… what’s the word?

We’ve been making jokes for months about Lily eating grass. We call it her salad. I think it’s kind of interesting how the humans of the house have to force themselves to eat salad. That’s not really true… one human has to force herself to buy the items to make the salad and then make the salad. Serving the salad with other food items some time between 6 – 7, what is known in our culture as the dinner hour, would be good.

I am that human.

The hardest step in this process of achieving salad is buying the ingredients. This is because I hate going to the grocery store. I’m famously bad at making myself do much of anything which doesn’t hold a high degree of interest. Some call it lazy, but I was both relieved and thrilled when I learned to call it AD(H)D. This is mildly more palatable to my idea of a personal narrative. I’m not a moral defect. Blame my brain.

Anyway, the biggest consequence of my AD(H)D is that we, the humans in my charge, don’t eat enough salad. When Lily steps out into the yard, the world is her salad – especially when she throws in a few pine cones as croutons. My question is why aren’t lawns made of a variety of eatable greens? Would grass be so bad for us? Especially this poana stuff that sprouts like manna each April like a heavenly Easter gift?

Watching Lily plop herself in front of a big fresh tuft of poana grass and happily chowing on this bountiful gift of nature makes me wonder. Except for her proclivity for toxic mushrooms, I think she’s smarter than me. She just lacks knowledge. There is a difference.

And why did God have to make so many mushrooms toxic anyway?

I wrote “rake Princess Sparkle’s room” as the last item on my to-do list this morning. Sometimes I don’t get to the last item, but since it’s shown up on the list, it has a chance of getting done within the next couple of weeks. Assuming I can find the list.

I should invent a “room rake”. It would look a lot like an extra large yard rake, but wouldn’t be too spiky, because we wouldn’t want it to damage PS’s spectacular wardrobe of delicate fine knits.

This rake would come with a matching containment device that would also be a magical wash, dry and folding machine. Princess Sparkle is very adverse to dresser drawers and closets. She comes by this genetically.

Instead of going to the grocery store, so I can pay large sums of money for organic washed lettuce greens in plastic containers, I am thinking about the economy again. I’m also thinking about Air Force One and the two F-something fighter jets that buzzed Manhattan the other day.

The two might be related:

I think the buzz by may have been a secret plan to stimulate the economy at the epicenter of capitalism and past excess. Hundreds of thousands of people throughout the tri-state area were instantly re-traumatized. Demand for comfort items immediately rose to a degree previously not believed possible. Well-intended austerity programs have been temporarily rendered obselete.

Anyone within earshot of the event has already spent hundreds, or perhaps even thousands, of dollars on massages, acupuncture, Barneys, feel better food from Balducci’s (if it hadn’t closed last week), and last, but not least, therapy and the latest and most expensive antidepressants. Because they deserve it, damn it, and life is short.

What came before raking PS’s room on my to-do list? Where is my to-do list? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “blog.”