SEO: Add a Few Letters and You Have Speedo

With minor exceptions the search engine terms that bring visitors to this blog  are very straightforward.  The exceptions may induce at most a barely gig-gable  moment.   But these recent terms mostly induce concern and vomiting:

“stomach bug” toilet barf

hair away vomited bowl

two year old vomiting flat sprite

Just so you know I have only done two posts that even mention the act of vomiting.

But, since publishing an older newspaper piece of mine here a few weeks ago when I was on vacation,  I have noticed a non- vomit-related trend that is worth discussing. “A Little Bikini History” has been getting what is called great “Google juice.”

That this metaphorical counterpart to potable fluids loaded with high fructose corn syrup sounds healthy is completely delusional.

The article is sprinkled with innocuous words such as “high”, “school,” “girls”,  and “clad,” but is also rife with more descriptive, possibly racier words in certain contexts, such as “illegal”, “banned”, “scantily,” and “thong.”

Besides the umpteen hits via phrases such as  “girl losing bikini top at waterpark” and several so seedy that I wonder if I should call the authorities, there is a troublesome word that takes third place in frequency only after “little bikini.”

Speedo.

Because of using this one word exactly once, checking my statistics on Google Analytics has truly become an exercise in delving into the darkest recesses of the human mind.

speedos  legal myrtle beach

are speedos outlawed at beach

scantily clad in speedos and bikinis

how to tell if my speedo is too small

Curious about this sudden uptick in Speedo interest, I did some research. It didn’t take long to see that the legality of various styles of swimwear has spent a fair amount of time in the news lately.

First, there was an incident in Paris, where a Muslim woman was banned from swimming in a public pool while wearing a “burqini.” Burqinis,” a fairly new swimwear trend, are designed for the traditionally modest Muslim woman.  Much like the traditional, multi-layered burqa, the suits are designed so wearers only show their hands and faces.

The reason given by French authorities on the reason for the burqini boot: hygeine.

Apparently, concerns run high that anything looser than a tight Speedo or speedo-like suit,  “could bring in sand, dust or other matter, disturbing the water quality.”

I believe that this quote and the invention of the swim diaper prove that all over the world, we  share many of the same worries. We just have different ideas on how to address them.

This blog recounts a story of an Irish journalist being forcefully removed from a Parisian pool for wearing regular swimming trunks from Marks and Spencer with a rescue hook by three pool attendants as if he were drowning. I have no clue as to the story’s veracity.  For entertainment reasons, I  hope it’s at least a little true.

The British, as a result of the Speedo regulations throughout much of Western Europe, recently have made a few rules of their own.  After experiencing a notable rise in the numbers of men wearing, “unsightly Speedos,” a British theme park is threatening a ban. The reason given by British authorities?

“… We are a family resort and we don’t want children asking questions.’

Humm, interesting? What does the average American think about all this? No clue; I can only speak for myself. And I’m just now coming to terms with my averageness.

I think the fuss is silly, but entertaining. If one is an easily offended person about these things,  they will probably find relatively huge numbers of things to be offended about on a daily basis here in the United States. They will be very happy.

Personally, I think Speedos are heinous, but if other people are fine with men wearing them in the same way they may be okay with women wearing thongs, fine. But with children in tow, I’d likely try to avoid places with throngs of thong/Speedo wearers.

But nobody is going to make me look.  And I have less trouble with a woman in a burqini than a man in a Speedo, but my choice is based purely on aesthetics.

I think Daniel Craig in the above picture is headed in the right direction, as far as expanding the fabric frontier. However, I still prefer pictures taken of him wearing it in the water. Have at it Dr. Freud.

I will point out that a man wearing a Speedo in Connecticut last week was in the news. Here is the article lede:

” A burglary suspect wearing only a Speedo-style swimsuit has been arrested in Connecticut after a police dog tracked him down and bit him on the leg.”

Draw your own conclusions as to what this means when comparing countries on various modesty/moral spectrums.

Where do you stand on swimwear?

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