Glamorous Delusions of the Allergically Challenged
If you’ve visited here before, you may have heard me mention that I have allergies and asthma. Of all the problems for a suburban woman to be addled with, it may not be the sexiest, but still, I have no clue why Lifetime has yet to make a movie about such riveting topics. Sneezing and wheezing, are at least as made-for-TV worthy as spousal abuse, lust-filled affairs, dangerous addictions, and violent murders. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at some potential titles:
Wheeze No Evil
The Allergy Shot Heard around the World
Sophie’s Choice: Claritin or Zyrtec?
Anger in a Small Lung
Alone with a Strange Brand of Tissues
At the Mercy of an Inhaler
Last Breath
Anaphylactic : A Shocking Story of Three Hyper-allergenic Cats
Before She Chokes
The Bad Weed:Invasion of the Pods
Hocking Mucous: Acute Tale of Snot
The Christmas Tree that was Banished to the Backyard.
I would watch these, wouldn’t you?
I’m sensing you’re not convinced. Okay. To start all we need is a local football hero who is quite possibly a non-allergic psychopath. Throw in an unlikely and highly allergic prom queen. The story line possibilities are endless. For instance, football “hero” could intentionally kill allergic prom queen by sending her into anaphylactic shock by kissing her after he has just eaten a handful of peanuts.
The queen’s mother who ironically will be an allergist, could be the third important character in the unfolding drama. Depending on whether or not the denouement will reveal mother to be a jealous, conniving cougar who is having an affair with the football hero, or an upstanding member of the medical community, the part will be played by either a younger Susan Lucci or Linda Carter. Then again, casting against type might be fun. The “high concept” could be – EpiPen: Lifesaver or Weapon. See? I knew you’d like it now. When do you want to start shooting? I’ve got a video camera on my cell phone.
I’m in! How about a subplot with a diabolical fashion designer who makes clothes made from ragweed? It’s natural fibers! It deadly!
Carson Presley could play the designer.
.-= Vic´s last blog ..The Dog May Be Lumpy, But At Least He Never Broke My Heart. =-.
Or your next door neighbor is trying to kill you by planting MORE ELM TREES!
You have quite a task here, and from this initial tagging you are up to the task. You are becoming a force to reckon with in the plotting/writing world.
.-= rosaria´s last blog ..Pictures of summer and other observations =-.
Oh man do I hear ya. I would totally watch those.
And how ’bout “Gasping and Wheezing in Las Vegas”
.-= Sarah Day´s last blog ..Yin and yang =-.
This is too funny. I could possibly play the lead actor in one of those films…I would not have to stretch too much either.
Hope you survive!!
.-= Busy Bee Suz´s last blog ..The Reptiles are out to get me. =-.
You either have too much time on your hands or too much zyrtec in your system….one or the other.
heh heh
.-= Pricilla´s last blog ..AbbyDay – I am a Glorious Goat =-.
How about THE WOMAN IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE? I’ve spent more time in the laundry room than I have outside this summer! You hit me where I live!
I’ll have my people call your people
.-= Suz Broughton´s last blog ..Friday Five: My top five movie boyfriends =-.
“Anaphylactic : A Shocking Story of Three Hyper-allergenic Cats” — this was my absolute favorite until . . . holy bejeezus, you started talking about that denouement . . . and goose bumps started running up and down my spine.
Bring it down a notch, oh sexy one Remember your audience and . . . our age, for heaven’s sakes! We can only take so much titillation!
.-= The Lawyer Mom´s last blog ..With a Name Like ACORN, It’s Got to Be Good =-.
This is really funny. Love the titles. So glad you’re writing and giving the world a bit of your intriguing view of life.
Somehow, I don’t think it’ll make the Hallmark movie of the week.
Maybe the Merck/Pfizer Mystery Moment.
.-= The Mother´s last blog ..The Apparatus for Facilitating Childbirth by Centrifugal Force =-.
wheeze no evil, i like that one. actually, i think i have fall allergies myself. this is something new for me.
sounds like you have a movie on your hands, go for it. take care.
.-= Natural´s last blog ..When Is It (or is it ever) Okay To Lie? =-.
Oh Geez, wheezing on Elm Street. Still laughing at all your hilarious Lifetime titles. I’m not sure, though – isn’t “Before She Chokes” already spoken for? Doesn’t the story revolve around a selfish, conniving husband who steals a woman’s daughter and takes her to a pollen-laden land?
.-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..Link to post at Textual Medium =-.
I too have allergies and asthma. How dare you make me laugh so hard that I had to run for my empty inhaler and then scare my children as I hacked my way through old winter coat pockets to find a new one?
I think you are my new favorite blog.
S
.-= SUzanne´s last blog ..But… It’s too hard! =-.
Knock, knock. Lifetime calling!
I think you have a script idea in there
xo
Hocking Mucous, LOL Please, let’s put that one on the backburner.
You may be onto something! More Susan on TV please
!
.-= mere´s last blog ..I knew it! =-.
Anger in a small lung made me laugh out loud…I needed it since I am suffering through jury duty right now.
.-= JennyMac´s last blog ..Wax off, wax on Mamasan =-.
You could pitch this and have it sponsored by allergy medicines. If Hallmark can make movies of the week, why can’t Claritin. I’m telling you, you are on to something.
.-= Unknown Mami´s last blog ..Sundays In My City =-.
I think you might be high on you allergy meds
On the other hand you might just be brilliant… time will tell!
Right, and when you try to get on an airplane with your epi-pens in your purse, and the TSA people want to confiscate them because they fear you could try to overcome the pilot (who’s hermetically sealed in the cockpit anyway) with them, you become the Incredible Hulkess (I’m thinking Pink, here) and recover your purse, knocking over some of the tiny little people in your path… Or not.
.-= Leah Rubin´s last blog ..Good Manners, Part Two =-.
Go for it. Write a screenplay. My husband and both kids will watch with rapt attention. Meanwhile, I can’t watch because the blockage in my head has caused my eyes to permanently cross.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..I’m Taking it Outside =-.
I hear you! I am having allergies like crazy! Today I thought I would try not taking an antihistamine to see how that would go. I have a splitting sinus headache now…. so I went and popped more pills.
Maybe I could star in one of your shows?
.-= Honey Mommy´s last blog ..The Bees Knees =-.
how about,
“blow me. my life with a box of tissues”
or,
“I’ve got an Itch. Will you scratch my nose?”
.-= phd in yogurtry´s last blog ..protozoa in your piehole =-.